Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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