I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i now understand why vodka
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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