i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
