I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
