Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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