I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
