no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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