I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
