I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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