The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
