Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
