y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
