ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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