Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish my penis had a tongue
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
