you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is Oprah even human
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
