Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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