you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
