White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
