I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
