Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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