Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
