She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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