I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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