someone threw a dead crab at me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
