the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Less talking, more tequila
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
