I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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