Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
