so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
