you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
