Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
