When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
