Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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