I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
