____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
