I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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