hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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