I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
