she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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