Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
