I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
