also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
