True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
