So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
