I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
