just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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