I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
