I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
