it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
even my farts smell like vagina
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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