I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
