girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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