Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
