Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
