she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
