you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
