So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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