I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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