I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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