I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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