First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
