I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
whose parrot is this?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
