one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
