wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
