Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
