If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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