mondays should just be called national damage control day
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
