We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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